


A Place I Long to Return to

by lilmaeval



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:13:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28784751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilmaeval/pseuds/lilmaeval
Summary: Kaoru wasn't sure what he was expecting when he got assigned his room arrangement, but after a few months of living together, he's pretty sure he knows what he's in for when he comes back home. What he doesn't expect however is how easily sand shifts beneath one's feet.
Relationships: Ran Nagisa/Hakaze Kaoru
Comments: 6
Kudos: 37





	A Place I Long to Return to

There was nothing more that Kaoru wanted at that exact moment than to collapse on his bed and let the world wash away. Every step he took, from the moment he left his father’s home to the bus he took to Ensemble Square, to getting off and nearing the Starmony dorms, none of them were close enough to his goal. It was only once he spied the door to his room that a brush of relief combed itself through his hair. His palm, unexpectedly moist, slipped as it grabbed the silver handle. He attempted to turn it without a second thought before realizing he had to unlock the door first. Was he really that tired?

After fumbling with his pass on the door for an embarrassingly long amount of time, Kaoru hoped that if it was being rattled like that for so long that it meant no one else was in the room. Kaoru shut the door behind him and leaned against the heavy wood with his head knocking against it, closing his eyes. He felt his phone buzz, loudly at that, right against his ass from where it sat in his back pocket. Kaoru took the device out, staring at the screen of blank messages as the facial ID attempted to recognize his face as it hid behind his hand. Instead of dropping his hand, however, Kaoru dropped the one holding the phone down to his side, trudging along with heavy footsteps to his bed.

Oh, of course his room wasn’t empty. Sitting on the bed next to his own was his roommate, bundled up in white bedsheets in contrast to Kaoru’s own black. His roommate, Nagisa Ran of Eden, one of the big three, was sitting with a big book in his hands. Only, instead of being absorbed as he normally was with the pages before him, those amber red eyes of his held their attention on Kaoru. A very exhausted Kaoru who didn’t have the energy to deal with such an oppressive gaze.

Kaoru let his phone hit the long dresser drawer in between the two beds, and his body soon followed in collapsing onto the mattress. Which was louder, Kaoru wasn’t sure, and he really, really didn’t care. His head was on his pillow, and at long last, he could dream.

...But maybe dreams weren’t what he needed right now. His father’s final comment towards him from the end of the day rang desperately in Kaoru’s ear. Rather than forget the words as his mind succumbed to sleep, they only echoed louder and louder until he was forced to flip onto his other side in hopes of deafening the ear. Instead, they just came in through the now exposed entryway, the memory of spit being lodged along the crevice of cartilage as his older brother whispered harshly about what he should be doing differently. Kaoru flipped half of his pillow up in an attempt to block it out, and only found sleep more difficult to come by. Exasperated, he let go and laid on his back, opening his eyes and finding his thoughts freed as his senses returned to him.

“...Are you alright, Kaoru-kun?”

Nagisa’s quiet voice ghosted over Kaoru’s mind, to the point he nearly missed what the other said. The only thing that alerted him to the fact that he was the one being talked to was the way he heard Nagisa’s book shut, a rarity in the dorm room.

“I’m whatever,” Kaoru grumbled as he rubbed his face between dry palms. Tired eyes adjusted to the pressure and chased after circles in the light before they faded away altogether, the lines in the stucco above coming into focus. “It’s nothing to worry about. Just had a rough day is all, and I could really use the rest.”

“...I see,” Nagisa responded in that observational tone that Kaoru had grown used to. “...Would it be better if I left, then? At least long enough for you to enter a proper REM cycle.”

“Ah,” Kaoru uttered before sighing and sitting up, curling his knees up to his chest. “I don’t think that’ll matter, honestly. I’ve got some thoughts rattling around in my brain that are keeping me up, so I bet no matter how long you go, it would just be fruitless. Besides, this is your room too, I think I’d feel worse kicking you out just because I’m trying to relax.”

That was part of the issue of dorm living, wasn’t it? Limited personal time in one’s personal space, and it always came with the threat of that time ending abruptly at that. In the same vein, complaining about such a system was unfair to the people one was residing with. After all, they all had the same dilemma, and the only solution was to grow as close as possible to the point that living alongside each other felt natural and no longer invasive. Kaoru didn’t want his situation strained any further than it was as a concept, and he certainly didn’t want to live his dormitory experience like the way Rei was.

Kaoru was lucky. The Aoi twins were already pretty easy to get along with, though Yuuta he could empathize with a lot more. Nagisa, he didn’t really know what to expect considering the guy’s public image, but it was evident pretty shortly on that he could essentially treat the guy like he was never there to begin with if necessary. That had its ups and downs, but for the most part Nagisa wasn’t a difficult person to Kaoru in the slightest.

“...Is there anything I can do to help, then?” Nagisa inquired, shifting his legs over the edge of his bed and staring at Kaoru’s curled up form.

A question like _that_ was embarrassing. How did he respond? Up until this point, Kaoru had been the one to ever offer his assistance to Nagisa. After ending up in the same dorm and circle, Kaoru found himself the one to invite Nagisa out of his shell. Seeing him sitting there, sometimes in dark lighting unfit for reading, it really bummed Kaoru out for some reason. Maybe he just projected a little too hard onto that image of solitude, away from others and uninterested in getting to know them. Yet here Kaoru was, loudly expressing his desire to be alone and having Nagisa return the favor unexpectedly. Maybe taking him up on the offer would help them both.

“I don’t really know how you could,” Kaoru admitted. “I just kinda wanna get some rest, but I can’t do that while my mind is still focused on...Stuff.”

“...Would talking about it help?”

“No,” Kaoru instantly answered; then, once again in a less hurried pace, “no, I don’t think so. It’s um, not really anything in particular and I don’t really even think it’s all that big an issue like my brain is making it out to be in the first place, so...I’d really rather not talk about it.”

“...Hm, alright,” Nagisa cupped his chin between his index finger and thumb, staring straight at the ground as he lost himself to thought. The pose reminded Kaoru of a certain popular statue, not just in pose but in physique as well. “...Sedatives, even over the counter ones, can have counterintuitive side effects based upon your body’s physiology. If you’re experiencing nightmarish thoughts, it would be best to guide your mind away from them while finding a way to make you drowsy as you do so. There’s a variety of means we could go about to do that, so let’s try as many as we can and perhaps their combination will assist Kaoru-kun in getting the rest he desires.”

“Woah, woah,” Kaoru sat up and waved his hands before him, gawking at Nagisa as he spoke. “What’re you talking about, Ran-kun? You don’t have to do anything. Really, really, this is my own problem, I’m just gonna have to figure out a way to deal with it on my own.”

“...Oh,” Nagisa lowered his hand from his face and his brow fell into a concerned furrow. “...I apologize, was I making you uncomfortable, Kaoru-kun?”

Being asked a question like that so sincerely was a new one for Kaoru. Rather than roll his eyes like he might at certain other people asking him, Kaoru was instead forced into a position of asking himself if he actually _was_ put off by anything Nagisa said. His roommate certainly was being pushy, but at the same time, his intentions were genuine, weren’t they? Kaoru had dealt with this dilemma before, and all that had been left was to talk things through. Here, however, the answer might just be simpler. Give in and indulge in the compassion from someone who moved with a godlike air, that was what made the guy the leader of Eden, yeah?

“Um,” Kaoru swallowed back his apprehension and the demons that he’d been fighting for years. Help wasn’t something he had to be afraid of asking for, and it was even being offered. He could accept that, no matter who it was. “I was just a bit startled, actually. If you have any suggestions, I’ll take them. I appreciate the concern more than anything.”

Nagisa’s face lit up the same way it did when the man was presented with a piece of chocolate. His brow softened, his brilliant red-orange eyes sparkled with a newfound shine, and the smile that formed upon his lips couldn’t be mistaken for anything but genuine. Nagisa was the very image of peace and piety, and Kaoru was on the receiving end of such an expression. Had it been a year earlier, Kaoru might have gagged, but here and now, he felt oddly comforted. Maybe this would work out after all.

“...That’s great,” Nagisa replied as elatedly as his quiet voice could convey. “...I have a few ideas in mind already. The first suggestion I have is to get changed into something to wear for bed. Hiyori-kun and Father both taught me that it is important to dress for what it is you are going to do, and sleep is no different.”

That made sense. It was sensible advice that he might have even heard from his family, but Nagisa had the gift of calm speech that made reasonable things sound reasonable. Crazy how few people actually had such a talent. Kaoru nodded and placed his feet back on the ground, his body wobbling slightly as he stood up. Nagisa stayed still, and had it been anyone else, Kaoru would have expected them to reach out in an attempt to balance him, but Nagisa let him find it on his own. Whether or not it was intentional however was yet to be decided, so Kaoru made it a point to assume Nagisa didn’t notice his struggle.

“Sounds like a plan,” Kaoru nodded as he began to dig through his dresser drawer. “I guess this is as good a time as any to try out those pajamas they gave to us, yeah? The ones from that company that was sponsoring the ES. I normally just wear a t-shirt and sweats to bed, but I get what you mean about needing to dress for the occasion. I’ll take your advice in full and get changed into something that says I’m ready to sleep.”

Nagisa wore a bigger smile than before, one that filled Kaoru with a sense of relief. The way his under eyelids crinkled gave his eyes such a strange charm, one that really drew anyone who looked at Nagisa into those pretty reds. As Kaoru moved around his dresser, he fell forward with a yelp as he struck the corner of his bed with his foot, quickly grabbing the appendage in both hands and hopping on one leg as he adjusted to the new pain. Letting out a hiss and a muttered swear, even that wasn’t enough to convince Nagisa to come over and help him. Rather, Nagisa stood in shock, a hand extended but not by much. 

“...Are you okay?” Nagisa asked once again, a question that Kaoru was trying to figure out himself.

“I-I’m fine,” he lied, picking up the pajamas and shaking his head as he headed towards the bathroom door. “I’ll...I’ll see you in a bit.”

Before he could get another glimpse at that weirdly gorgeous face, Kaoru pushed forward despite the pain in his toes and managed to shut the bathroom door closed behind him.

Once inside, however he took the opportunity to study the wounded area and discovered drops of blood on the backs of his toes. His foot hit metal, after all, so he must have cut them on that. Kaoru let out an aggravated huff and reached for the first aid kit, located conveniently next to the mirror. He cleaned the cuts off with water and then antiseptic before putting a bandaid on the two bleeding ones, hoping that they would stick despite any tossing and turning. He didn’t need random splotches of red on his black sheets, no matter how well the color might blend in. More than that, if Rei was to come over, he didn’t want the man to ask how could a stain get there in the first place.

In thinking about Rei, Kaoru sarcastically commented to himself that his partner would likely try to suck the blood off of them. Also in thinking about Rei, Kaoru wondered just what the deal was between him and Nagisa. When Kaoru had originally moved in, it was honestly a more ominous environment than anything UNDEAD could pull off. He unlocked the door to his room, and sitting on a bed that was already made and with belongings unpacked was Nagisa, reading a book and not responding to Kaoru’s entrance at all. It was only once Rei had entered and patted Nagisa’s head as though he were a small animal that Kaoru got a proper introduction to him. It was weird. Nagisa was weird. Weirdness wasn’t really anything new to Kaoru though, so he hoped they’d get along.

Pajamas on and the pain in his foot subsiding, Kaoru picked up his toothbrush and wet it before coating it in toothpaste. As he brushed his teeth, his mind found itself returning to his roommate, an enigmatic man who sounded like he had a lonely childhood, or for at least a good part of it. That made a lot of sense, considering the other strange guys he knew, but there was something different in this case with Nagisa. For all the ones that he knew best, they were very dominate personalities. Leaders and idealists, people with a vision for what they wanted to create and how they wanted the world to see them. People who could act upon those dreams and make them real. For some reason, and he couldn’t really explain why, Nagisa didn’t really match that description at all.

He held the title of leader for his unit, but it was made clear to Kaoru early on how his stage act was just that—an act, and not even one he made by himself. It was by the one who kept taking Nagisa to the dormitory kitchens, his unit partner, his producer. That Ibara kid, he was the brains of the operation. Yet according to him, Nagisa was the one best suited to be the leader. Then there was Hiyori, Nagisa’s childhood friend and apparently his old partner, he too insisted that Nagisa stand at the center of Eden. Kaoru couldn’t really get why, and he felt bad about being nosy about it. If it was just about finding him the most fitting image for the group, he could get it, but as far as that eccentric quality that Kaoru thought he would be getting, while in nature Nagisa matched, in actual practice, Nagisa was too submissive.

Kaoru spit out the contents in his mouth and scooped some water into his mouth, rinsing it out and spitting again. Maybe that submissiveness was exactly why he found it so easy to project onto Nagisa his own insecurities. Maybe he was thinking so harshly about the man because it was easy to do. Maybe it was just him repeating the things his siblings and father would say in a way that he could stomach, just how Nagisa did the same for him. Washing off his face with a towel, Kaoru contemplated shaving before heading to sleep before deciding that considering his prior clumsiness, he _really_ did not want to walk out with more bandages than he already wore.

Exiting the bathroom with a heavy sigh, Kaoru was greeted with the aroma of something warm and a dash of peppermint. Tilting up his nose to get a better scent, Kaoru turned his head towards his bed and saw the mug being placed on the bedside drawer, sitting atop a wooden coaster. Nagisa sat at the edge of his bed, waiting for Kaoru to return to his bed. Kaoru straightened his chin and paced back towards the bed, noting the covers were already pulled back. As he got in, he furrowed his brow and turned to the pillow behind him. The shade of black for the cover was different from the two behind it, and wasn’t the one he kept in the center closer to the grey of his bedcover?

Then he turned his attention to Nagisa’s bed and noted his pillow was there, his bed setting rearranged to fit the smaller size. Kaoru swallowed, almost afraid to ask about it.

“...Kaoru-kun,” Nagisa pointed at the cup on the drawer with a wave of his hand. “...This drink is for you. I got this brand as a gift from Hinata-kun, and I found it quite relaxing before bedtime. I hope it will help you.”

“Oh,” Kaoru blinked before positioning himself closer to the table. “Um, thanks.” Murmuring the words, he began to drink the beverage and found himself raising a brow at it. “Wow, wait, that’s delicious!”

“...Fufu, I’m glad~” For someone who could speak so verbosely on tangents that Kaoru could hardly keep up with, there were times where Nagisa so honestly and to the point about his feelings that it took Kaoru off guard. He didn’t mind it, actually. He liked the way that Nagisa spoke what he felt, be it just two words or a massive spiel about humanity.

The question that was really on Kaoru’s mind however remained unanswered. Just why did Nagisa swap their pillows? It was bugging him intensely, and he wasn’t sure of how to even approach the matter. Nagisa was honest, sure, but that could mean he might say something that would make Kaoru feel...Off.

“H-Hey,” Kaoru cleared his throat and decided an attempt would have to be made anyway. If the answer was too much for him to handle, so be it. It was his bed he was going to have to sleep on at the end of the day, and Nagisa next to him in the bed over. “Can I ask why you put your pillow on my bed?”

“...Ah, that one is based more upon superstition,” Nagisa answered. “...I read once somewhere if you’re having bad dreams, you should change your pillow. Since we have no spare ones around, I figured mine would do the trick. If it bothers you, I won’t use yours.”

Everything about the way that Nagisa explained his reasonings didn’t live up to his horrible expectations, which was a relief, but they brought up other alarming questions. Where on earth did he hear that, an infomercial? Did he think Kaoru’s main concern would be Nagisa sleeping on his pillow and not Kaoru sleeping on another guy’s pillow period? Why did this hot coco taste so good?

The drink in his hand, warm in his palms and filled with a homely aroma, hit Kaoru with a stray thought that overtook all the questions in his mind. Ah, it felt like his mother was looking after him right now. The beverage, the attempt at freshening his linen, even making sure he had appropriate bed wear. All he needed now was a bedtime story. Were he not still reeling from the pillow exchange, he might have even joked about it.

“...Now, onto the final idea I had in mind,” Nagisa moved himself a little closer from the center of his bed to near his own pillows, sitting where he’d be seen once Kaoru laid down. “...Once you’re ready to try and rest, I’m going to tell you a fairy tale Hiyori-kun used to tell me.”

Not a case of telepathy, but rather, of human tradition. That must have been the case, after all; it was Nagisa, an obsessive anthropologist. Setting down his emptied cup and taking a deep breath, Kaoru let his head fall back on the pillow behind him. Soft, downy, and fragrant with a familiar scent—Nagisa’s shampoo, the one in their bathroom. Kaoru had considered using it once before deciding it was weird to even ask, much less use without permission. It was a pretty fragrance, made up of apple and cinnamon. Sweet and comforting, like a dessert he might have had as a kid. His eyes found themselves drooping on their own, laying on his back and with hands above the covers.

“Hey, Ran-kun,” Kaoru managed to say before Nagisa started again. “Thanks. I wasn’t really expecting to ever require your help with something, but I’m grateful you offered it. So hopefully you’ll be right and I’ll fall asleep soon, yeah?”

“...Mm,” Nagisa nodded, “I hope so.”

Light turned off and the world lost to darkness, Kaoru recounted the times he found himself awake despite the low visibility. Now though, its mere existence beckoned Kaoru to at least close his eyes, and he did just that. The only thing that could be heard was his own breathing and the soothing voice of Nagisa Ran.

“...Once upon a time, in a kingdom that shined brighter than the stars in the sky, there was a great and powerful wizard king. His magic was so awesome and grand, he could bring the heavens down to earth and deliver people to their salvation. He was exalted and praised on high, as though he were a god, but at the end of his life, it became clear to all that he was just a man. A man, capable of mistakes, and capable of succumbing to the fate that awaits all those who live. Yet despite that, he wanted to create something that could surpass him. Something that could carry on his legacy; something that would make him, at least in memory, immortal.

“...Was something like that even possible, however? The god king was already renown by his people, not just from his legacy as one who could shine brightly, but as a leader who had built a strong and vast kingdom...Yet he had already predicted the downfall it would experience the moment his heart ceased beating. No, he could not rely upon his people to remember him, or to understand what it was that he wanted. He also had no children to rely upon to impart his wisdom...None that he knew of, at least. Not that he needed to have one, either. A child raised like one ought to be would eventually form its own dreams and ambitions, and the god king could not have his vision tainted. And so, because of that, he decided to do what only a god could do—create new life.

“...How he did this, and how he managed to do so before he eventually perished is uncertain, but that question was not one that any had on their minds when they saw what it was that he had made in secret. Found seated in an all white room, unmoving and silent, the ones who discovered the last treasures of the god king found something that startled them: a doll. A strange doll, one that could move and even say a few words, but not without command. It had no will of its own; it was just a doll, after all. Though made of fine materials and wearing a pretty dress, it could hardly be mistaken for a human. It was a possession like any other, and that meant it was something to be claimed as part of the god king’s crumbling legacy.

“...A noble family, one with ties to the god king but living in disparity thanks to factors beyond just his death took the doll in. Believing the doll to simply need no more than the basic necessities for maintenance, the noble family planned for a way to sell it as though it were any other possession. However, their plans were halted the moment their youngest took an interest in the doll. A little princess, one who had lived in lonely despair up until she discovered the doll. Taking its hand, she guided the doll all throughout her home, made it lay in bed with her, and count the stars that had returned to the sky at night. In that depth of love, that swelling chest sensation that filled the doll with the last of the god king’s dying wish, it suddenly recounted what its purpose was.

“...The doll gripped the princess’s hand tightly, and told her of this dream. The princess listened, and finding herself missing one of her own, she adopted the dream of the soulless being. In return, she shared a part of her soul, and the two became one. They celebrated their union with dancing and singing, finding joy underneath the moonlight that witnessed them and the sun that dawned them into their future.”

What a weird story. A weird story from a weird guy. A story about a soulless being, raised by some mighty force that cared more about themselves than their progeny’s well being, and yet given the strength to find something to aspire for by someone beautiful. As Kaoru drifted off, Nagisa’s serene voice lulling him into rest, he couldn’t help but wonder where he’d heard a story like that before.

* * *

A dry summer breeze cut through Kaoru’s hair, ruffling downy feather blond locks and messing up whatever style he had planned for the day. Not that it mattered much when he was about to hit the water. Surfboard in hand and cuffed to his ankle, he spied upon the horizon the way the waves reached towards the blue sky above. Heart racing to the beat of that tide, his bare soles hit the hard sand below and ran bravely into that azure color.

He’d done it a million times. Cut through the water with his board beneath him, then catch the next one with his body already moving for the next part. Swimming now in the same direction as the tide he chased, the water caught him in its cradle, enveloping him within the mighty force of nature. Just as man once rose from the ocean, so too did Kaoru stand on both his feet in a crouched position. Balanced and free, Kaoru traced his fingertips along the water wall and watched as a rainbow array stretched before him. Clear blue sky above, cerulean blanket below, and calm white shores were the only elements Kaoru needed.

The wave crashed, and Kaoru washed ashore. Rather than swim back, he let the water carry him as it had been doing, floating on his back until the tide brought him back to the surface he’d abandoned earlier. The board tethered to his ankle was tugged wildly back into the ocean, and yet the sensation hardly bothered him. He was too distracted to care, rather. Thoughts flooded his mind the way the water caressed his legs, thoughts of a distant version of himself trapped inside a house that only cared about who he should be and not what he wanted to be. A house that tried to erase his ability to even dream. The memories kept pouring in, icing over his heart and turning it cold, even more frigid than the ocean that enveloped him.

Almost about to drown entirely and his breathing growing sharp, time suddenly froze and the tide retreated. It retreated further and further and further still, until all that remained was the sand beneath him. Day turned to night, and the sunless blue sky beneath him was suddenly filled with a glittering sky full of stars. Stars that were like family to him—real family, ones that loved and cherished him and all of who he was, even when he felt he’d done nothing to deserve it. They watched over him in silence, with the bright white full moon shining like a spotlight upon him in the center. Or...Was it on him?

The sand next to him shifted, and Kaoru turned his body from on his back to his side. Next to him, only a meter apart, or maybe less that, something was emerging from the ground. It couldn’t have been a small creature that was buried within it. Rather, it seemed to be forming _from_ the sand itself. Kaoru held his breath for just a moment longer before he found himself staring at a pair of red eyes, ones that were looking back at him with the same curious expression that Kaoru was used to by now.

“...Are you at peace now?” The figure spoke, the sands that formed it shedding and revealing smooth pale skin beneath.

“I...” Kaoru struggled to come up with what he wanted to say, his swirling thoughts having come to a halt entirely and now all he was left was emptiness. “I’m as close as I can get, I guess.”

“...That’s good, I think,” the figure remarked. 

Rising from its spot in the ground, the newly formed man crawled on its stomach over towards Kaoru. Closer and closer it came until it was laying next to him, its pretty face illuminated by the moon’s brilliant light. The soft ground beneath them both caved in, drawing the two further towards one another, so much so they might collide altogether. Yet the distance remained, and for a nice change of pace, Kaoru felt unphased by the proximity to another man.

“...You look rather peaceful now,” the calm man spoke.

“Do I?” Kaoru asked, feeling his cheeks heat up. “I guess I am...There’s nothing to be concerned about with where I’ve come from, right? I just have to hold onto those who are around me and they’ll be all the home I ever need.”

“...Fufu, what an interesting way of thinking,” the man remarked.

Kaoru felt something tickle his arm—a strand of hair. The man before him, his face masculine and beautiful, had a flowing mane of long white locks that spilled across his side and shoulders. Loose and untamed, and though they looked sharp as thorns, they were incredibly soft to the touch. Softer than even the sand that surrounded them.

Then, unprompted, the sensation of long fingers stroking through his own hair overtook Kaoru’s mind. They were gentle, comforting, and reminded him of a time the home he came from had something good to return to. In the same way his mother might have cared for him, so too did this stranger give him the feeling of acceptance.

“...I hope you’re dreaming well, Kaoru-kun.”

Rushing water boomed like thunder, casting a shadow over the moon and drowning the night in pitch black darkness. Yet though the massive wave was crashing down on them, Kaoru didn’t fear it. There was nothing he needed to fear about where he was at all, or where he might go in future. No matter where that was, nothing would compare to where he was right now.

After all, nothing could ever make him fear coming home.

* * *

The sound of shuffling footsteps and groggy moans were the first noises to stir Kaoru awake. Then, the realization that he was holding onto something came next, and that was what convinced him he should open his eyes. However, as the reflex came to mind, so too did his natural defenses instill in him a desire to stay ignorant to his current sleeping position. Nevertheless, he didn’t have a choice in the end, did he? Shutting his eyelids tighter, he relaxed them enough until they finally parted open on their own.

Tangled in a mess of arms and legs was Nagisa, holding onto him loosely in comparison to Kaoru’s own surprisingly strong but quickly waning grip. His disturbingly pretty face was mere centimeters away—no, millimeters. He could feel Nagisa’s breath on his own mouth, and suddenly all of his tiredness vanished in an instant. What was worse, Kaoru knew exactly why he was so terrified at that moment. It wasn’t that his instincts were screaming for him to move away as fast as possible, but rather, that he was feeling that simultaneously with some other unknown force that beckoned him to draw closer and see a new light.

“R-Ran-kun?!” Kaoru gasped sharply, the slumbering man adjusting in his sleep and startling the blond from whatever lack of resistance he had left.

Quickly, while he still had a brain left to say thought of its own volition, Kaoru pulled away. No, it wasn’t right to stay here like this. He couldn’t. Not when he and Nagisa both had their own ones to call to. Unlinking the two was easy, thankfully. Nagisa’s grip was non-existent, as though he’d simply been positioned that way without any will of his own. But, he had to, right? Nagisa was a big guy; rather, they were around the same height, but he doubted Yuuta could lift him. And speaking of—

“Good morning, Kaoru-senpai,” Yuuta spoke through a yawn, coving his mouth and scratching at his stomach underneath his shirt as he did so. “You look like you slept pretty well.”

Kaoru’s face burned hot, and he hated nothing more than the fact that he did just that. Sitting himself properly up in bed, Kaoru ran his hands through his hair and felt a shiver run down his spine as he recalled his dream from the previous night. That mysterious man born from the sand, the one who pet him so soothingly and lulled him into distant empty sleep, that was...

“Ah, Yuuta-kun,” Kaoru winced and turned his chin up, hands falling to his shoulders. “Um...This really isn’t what it looks like, but could you not mention this to Rei-kun?”

“That’s the same as asking me to be your accomplice in your adultery,” Yuuta teased, saying it in the semi-serious manner that left Kaoru terrified for a half-second, only to be relieved the moment he noticed the way the corners of the boy’s mouth turned up slightly. “I get it though. But, um, I also wanna ask, are there gonna be times in the future that you think you might end up needing me to not come in the dorm? Should we come up with a system like a sock on the door or...?”

“No,” Kaoru quickly interrupted, the boy already having spoken too much for him to handle. “It’s really not like that, I promise. And anyway, even if it was, I’m sure Hasumi-kun would figure out what _that_ kind of sign was for, and I don’t need him getting suspicious of anyone. A-And besides, it wouldn’t need to happen, because there’s nothing going on, promise.”

Kaoru attempted his best reassuring smile, his morning brain having made him overcorrect himself to the point of detriment of his own character. Acting so hasty to defend himself left him looking like he was insecure and _definitely_ guilty of whatever it was that Yuuta thought of him. His answer was received in the form of a small chuckle and nod as the boy dismissed himself to the bathroom, leaving Kaoru mortified and alone with his other roommate who was starting to stir awake.

“...Nn...Kaoru-kun, good morning.”

The greeting was so casual, so...So _normal_ for the position they’d just been in—the one they were in _now._ If Nagisa had said that earlier, if the first thing Kaoru had to wake up and see were those sparkling red eyes staring through his soul, Kaoru might have still been in the position he was in earlier and unable to move.

“Um...” Kaoru was at a loss for words, not even knowing where to begin. That happened a lot around Nagisa, didn’t it? He gave off an air like he didn’t know any better, and yet he was way too eager to be way too comfortable. The two coming together as they did wasn’t new to Kaoru exactly, but then, he never had to live with someone like this before.

“...Are you alright?” Nagisa asked, sitting up. His hair was out of its normal ponytail, falling with a wave down his back and shoulders. Without it being pulled away from his face, the locks framed his cheeks perfectly, making him look round and soft. Childlike, even.

“I-I’m fine~” Kaoru interrupted his own thinking in an attempt to save face, hating how badly his monitoring system was losing to his internal monologues. “Yeah I’m...I’m fine. I was just surprised to wake up the way I did. The way we did, technically. I guess it should be my first question more than anything, but Ran-kun, why were you asleep in my bed?”

“...It wasn’t my intention to stay the whole night that way,” Nagisa answered, turning his head down and fiddling with a few strands of his hair between his fingers. Despite that, he didn’t move to put it up. “...I came to check on you before I went to bed myself, and I noticed you were starting to make strange noises. I feared your nightmares were returning, so I thought that by coming to stay by your side, it might comfort you. Hiyori-kun often told me that nothing remedies bad dreams more than the hand of a person reaching out to them.”

“That sounds like someone who just wants an excuse to be touchy,” Kaoru grumbled to himself, knowing someone else he could think of that might say something similar to it.

“...Mm? What was that, Kaoru-kun?” Nagisa pulled back his hair around his ear, a motion that was so stupidly cute that it forced Kaoru to turn his head instinctively.

“Ahh, it’s nothing,” Kaoru shook his head, “I’m just still a little shaken up from yesterday...But...I did sleep pretty well last night, actually. Thank you, Ran-kun.”

“...Fufu~ that’s great,” Nagisa sang sweetly, Kaoru imagining he must have had a pretty smile on his face to match. If Kaoru wasn’t so utterly terrified of how fast his heart was racing at that moment, he might have even looked, but as he still wanted to believe he had any pride to hold onto, he kept his eyes fixed to the comforter sitting on his lap.

Out of the blue, something came to mind. He wasn’t sure why, but the bugging sensation from the thought was quickly growing. Luckily, it had absolutely nothing to do with his father’s house or his feelings that he didn’t want to have an explanation for. It was about something from last night, something he never got to ask about.

“...Hey, Ran-kun,” Kaoru addressed, lifting his chin and glancing towards the peripheral view he had of the other. “Can I ask about that story you told me last night?”

“...What about it?” The tone in which Nagisa spoke sent an icy chill down Kaoru’s spine. Though his voice was as quiet as ever, the gentle reassurance he was used to had entirely vanished. Nevertheless, he pressed on, too late to pull back now.

“I was just curious about it,” Kaoru attempted to state carefully. “I had never heard a fairy tale like it before, but it was really detailed. Tomoe-kun told it to you when you were kids you said, right? I’m just surprised at the amount of imagination someone would need to have in order to come up with it. I...I don’t wanna pry but is there a reason he told it to you?”

“...Yes,” Nagisa answered. He didn’t speak further, and when Kaoru turned his head to get a better look, he could see Nagisa’s eyes were shut. When they reopened, the soft reds held a melancholy Kaoru had never seen the man wear before. Despite that, he still wore a smile that made Kaoru forget how bad his heart ached. “...Do you want to know the reason why?”

“Only if you want to tell me,” Kaoru answered, feeling his body’s tension fade somehow even with the strange atmosphere.

“...Hiyori-kun had many fears as a child,” Nagisa began, raising his head while his eyes remained lowered. “...Fears that he did his best to find solutions for, because he wanted to live a life where he could be happy always. Because of that, he told me that story for a special purpose. He wanted me to remember.”

“Remember?” Kaoru repeated the word, feeling as though he’d just heard something he was never supposed to.

“...Mm,” Nagisa’s face transformed from dark to light, his smile broadening as he continued to speak. “...He wanted me to always remember I have a home to return to. Even if my Father’s house is no more, I have somewhere to go when the day is done, and I don’t have to look at the stars shining in the night sky alone.”

Maybe he had heard something taboo, or maybe it was just a simple sentiment. It didn’t really matter. Kaoru’s chest swelled, and he found himself forming a genuine smile for the first time that morning.

“Yeah,” Kaoru returned, leaning back and letting their eyes meet, if only briefly. “Me too, Ran-kun.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was mostly written for me to get comfortable with the pairing and to figure out their dynamic more based on what we have. I really love it so much so I hope to write more one day! I hope you enjoyed this insanely sweet fic :)
> 
> twt: @nagisenpai


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